Vrei s\u0103 fii ajutat, ascultat sau alinat? Mi-a venit \u00een minte \u00eentrebarea asta \u00een toiul unei discu\u021bii c\u00e2t se poate de telurice pe care am avut-o recent fiind \u00een vizit\u0103 la ni\u0219te prieteni \u0219i c\u00e2nd, dintr-una \u00eentr-alta, am men\u021bionat c\u0103 \u00eemi d\u0103 de furc\u0103 livrarea \u00eent\u00e2rziat\u0103 a unei comenzi de parchet. De partea cealalt\u0103 natural au ap\u0103rut \u00eentreb\u0103rile l\u0103muritoare (c\u00e2nd trebuia s\u0103 ajung\u0103, ai sunat la magazin, etc), \u0219i-apoi o c\u0103utare fugitiv\u0103 pe net \u00een \u00eencercarea de a g\u0103si o solu\u021bie la frustrarea mea palpabil\u0103. Dar, surpriz\u0103, eu nu voiam o solu\u021bie, pentru c\u0103 \u0219tiam ce pa\u0219i am de urmat ca s\u0103 dau de urma comenzii. Voiam doar s\u0103 m\u0103 pl\u00e2ng \u0219i eu un pic, ca orice om normal \u0219i perfect con\u0219tient c\u0103 v\u0103ic\u0103reala nu ajut\u0103 la absolut nimic.
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\u00centrebarea \u00eei apar\u021bine lui Charles Duhigg, fost reporter la New York Times \u0219i autorul c\u0103r\u021bii Supercomunicatori. Acesta explic\u0103, \u00eentr-o \u0219armant\u0103 prezentare TED, c\u0103 ceea ce pare de cele mai mult\u0103 ori o conversa\u021bie este de fapt un amestec de trei conversa\u021bii \u2013 practic\u0103, emo\u021bional\u0103 \u0219i social\u0103. Exemplul clasic este acela c\u00e2nd cineva ne poveste\u0219te despre o problem\u0103 sau o situa\u021bie cu care se confrunt\u0103 iar noi, ascult\u00e2ndu-l \u0219i vr\u00e2ndu-i binele, suntem tenta\u021bi s\u0103 \u00eel ajut\u0103m cu sfaturi \u0219i solu\u021bii. Duhigg ne \u00eendeamn\u0103 s\u0103 \u00eei punem aceste trei \u00eentreb\u0103ri \u00eenainte: vrei s\u0103 fii ajutat? (adic\u0103, ai nevoie de o m\u00e2n\u0103 de ajutor concret\u0103? De un sfat? De o idee?) Vrei s\u0103 fii alinat? (adic\u0103, ai nevoie de empatie, \u00een\u021belegere, consolare, \u00eencurajare?) Sau vrei s\u0103 fii ascultat? (adic\u0103, ai nevoie s\u0103-\u021bi spui punctul de vedere, s\u0103 spui ceva despre tine, s\u0103 afirmi o pozi\u021bie?).
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Desigur, felul \u00een care am introduce aceast\u0103 \u00eentrebare 3-\u00een-1 \u00eentr-o conversa\u021bie ar fi dat de contextul ei \u0219i de rela\u021bia cu interlocutorul, \u00eens\u0103 mi se pare o scurt\u0103tur\u0103 extrem de util\u0103 pentru to\u021bi cei implica\u021bi. Mai mult dec\u00e2t at\u00e2t, are \u0219anse mari s\u0103 ne scuteasc\u0103 de frustr\u0103ri \u0219i ne\u00een\u021belegeri ulterioare. De exemplu, \u00eentorc\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 la parchetul meu, i-am spus atunci prietenului binevoitor: \u201dstai lini\u0219tit, nu am nevoie de ajutor, vreau doar s\u0103 \u00eemi exprim frustrarea\u201d. La care el a spus, pu\u021bin descump\u0103nit: \u201ddar eu credeam c\u0103 o solu\u021bie este cea mai scurt\u0103 cale de a sc\u0103pa de frustrare\u201d. \u201dNimic mai adev\u0103rat, \u00een plan practic. \u00cens\u0103 \u00een plan emo\u021bional\u2026\u201d \u0218i de aici discu\u021bia a luat din nou turnura amical-filozofic\u0103 ce caracterizeaz\u0103 multe dintre conversa\u021biile noastre, ceea ce \u00een cazul dat a fost un rezultat satisf\u0103c\u0103tor.
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Weekly Inspiration scris de Alina Doica.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Vrei s\u0103 fii ajutat, ascultat sau alinat? Mi-a venit \u00een minte \u00eentrebarea asta \u00een toiul unei discu\u021bii c\u00e2t se poate de telurice pe care am avut-o recent fiind \u00een vizit\u0103 la ni\u0219te…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":9570,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9604"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9604"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9605,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9604\/revisions\/9605"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/9570"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/i-interact.eu\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}